F******* toads and light to medium flow - the perils of phonic reading...

I am an insatiable reader and always have been. I was the kind of child who was always being urged to 'go out and play, it's a nice day'. All I wanted was to sit in my room and read about Darrell and her adventures in Mallory Towers, or hide away up in the bower with Katy and the rest of the Carr children and drink weak vinegar-and-water. I lived for Thursdays when my Mandy and Judy and Tracy comics would be delivered by the paperboy.

Five year old O has inherited this love of reading, which thrills me no end and he's really rather good too, which makes my little librarian heart sing.We sit and read to each other, I share some of my childhood favourites and discover new ones with him. Sometimes I catch him sitting quietly in his bedroom with his head in a book, totally engrossed and I grin to myself, remembering the pleasure of childhood reading.

However, there is a downside to the reading child. A few weeks ago I posted this photo on Twitter. It's a political cartoon strip by Steve Bell from the Guardian. It was a school morning and O was getting ready for school. I was polishing his shoes and he was putting on his coat and reading the comic strip. All was well until he got to the final panel. Obviously, due to the excellent phonic learning he has received at school, he was f****** word perfect...

Hmmm. I quickly removed the offensive cartoon from the area and chivvied him off to school. There was not a mention of this impromptu reading in the homework diary...

A few weeks later, we were upstairs. I was in the bedroom, O in the bathroom, supposedly brushing his teeth. All was calm and peaceful as I put away the ironed clothes. I stopped in my tracks as a clear little voice was heard, piping up from the bathroom:

"Light to medium flow, medium to heavy flow, heavy flow..."