Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Writing workshop - Hold me up


I’ve got these thoughts running through my head. They never let up. I lie in bed and they jab through the peace of my dreams. I drive to work and they spool behind my eyes, causing me to jump the lights and overshoot the roundabouts. I go to work - they leap out from their lair and make me scuttle around the building looking for somewhere to hide. I laugh with my friends and they poke me in the back and remind me of sorrows. I play with my son and they invade our games, unwelcome visitors in our world of make believe. I lay in the bliss of love and they pounce on me and remind me of what I have lost and what I may never get back.

They make me cry. They make me panic. They make me angry. They distract me from living my life.

I’m trying to force them out. For a long time I didn’t even recognise them as the interlopers they truly are. I thought these thoughts were part of me, but they’re not. I have lived with them for so long that I believed I was them, that they defined me.

I’m on to them now. I am worn down by these thoughts and I’m going to need help to oust them. Perhaps they’ll never really go, but I’m going to try and push them out from centre stage. They are not me, they are part of what went before and I am determined to make them retreat. So much of life is being sucked away by these thoughts. I didn’t get through it all to live a half life, worn down by thinking of things that can’t be changed.

I will do it. I am trying so hard. All I ask is that you let me take my time. That you take my hand and try to let my angry tears wash over you. That when it's tough, you give me your support, grab me tight and do your best to hold me up.

Black and white - spot the difference...


This one's for the Gallery over at Tara's. I've had a little rummage and there are some amazing photographs this week. In fact, they are really fantastic every week! Please pop over and have a look...



Spot the difference between these two little boys. One of them is my son, the other is his dad. Loads of people say that O is a little mini-Mel, but here I see that he really is his daddy's son...







There is the same cheeky glint in the eye. The wayward hair sprouts perkily on both of them and they are both sporting glorious knitwear. How things run through the generations.

M is going through some tough stuff at work at the moment. He's weighed down with cares and worry and is very quiet and introspective. When I look at his baby picture, I see the boy he once was and I see the gleam in his eyes and the happiness in his smile and I long more than anything for the light and life to return to them.

 Meanwhile, we'll get through as best we can...


Saturday, 20 November 2010

An Autumn wander...

A few weeks ago me, M and O went for an Autumn wander through the woods and around the lake. It was one of those perfect Autumn days - cold and fresh. The trees were so beautiful - after looking through these pictures again, I feel mournful for the loss of that beauty. It did seem to be a particularly stunning Autumn this time around - I think it may be my favourite season. Plus I don't have to worry too much about shaving my legs - hurrah for black opaque tights...


The teeth are coming in!

I cannot describe the whirling that occured here...


My Autumn boy

Hard at work in 'The Library' (a tree named by the children where much fun is to be had)

Creeping through the trees...

I also took some moody black and white ones - the troll bridge is particularly sinister...


*spooky music*


Looking up through the canopy

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Show me the funny - O's comedy thang


It's Gallery time again over at Sticky Fingers and this week Tara's asking us to tickle her funny bone and spread the laughter throughout the internet. So without further ado, here's my funny, gurning, daft little O doing his comedy thang...

Wearing Great Gran's comedy teeth

The Egyptian

Mother and...gurn


Still smiling after throwing up in the maze and taking half an hour to find our way out...

Even his socks are funny...