Sunday, 4 April 2010

Head injured, post-cancer blogger feeling sorry for herself...

I've got blog posts in my head, but no energy or spark to write them. I feel drained and droopy and altogether too sorry for myself. I'm struggling at the moment and am nowhere near the traditional image of the strong and perky 'breast cancer survivor'. The recent head injury and the resulting suspected labyrinthitis (dizziness caused by ear problem) are making me miserable. I can't drive, am still signed off sick from work, which is worrying as I am already in the HR system for managing attendance due to last year when I was off after catching every bug going. I feel generally worn out and brought down by the whole thing. I suppose being 'poorly me' again has bad connotations from before and I'm starting to brood and mope.

I think it's the effect it has on those closest to me that is hard. Just before I tucked him in tonight, little O said to me, "I prefer normal Mummy, not this dizzy head Mummy" which really made me feel worse. I know that 'breast cancer Mummy' was not a barrel of laughs either and I feel like I'm letting my boy down again. M has been his usual great and supportive self, but I feel bad that he's playing the carer once more. My friends and family have been shining stars, helping with O and getting me to and from hospital and the GP, but it is hard to feel like the 'poorly' one again.

I don't really know why I've written this - it really is a horrendously dull and self-obsessed post. I've definitely put up with and got through worse and it seems a bit pathetic to be wibbling on about dizziness, but maybe writing it might make me look at things a bit differently tomorrow. Sorry for my wittering anyone who actually manages to read this - hopefully this is not a regular feature in the life of my blog...


  1. I think every blogger is entitled to a horrendously dull and self-obsessed post - but I wouldn't go as far as to apply that label here. Your son is quite an observant tyke, but don't let that get you down. You've had some serious health problems and nobody (who's old enough to understand) expects you to be in fighting trim all the time.

    Take a break if you need it! Goodness knows you probably shouldn't be overtaxing your brain after that...I have to go read about your head injury, somehow I missed it. Hope you feel better soon, goodness...

  2. Oh my I really feel for you, I do. I wish you well and hope that you stay wrapped up in cotton wool for a while

  3. Hope you are feeling better soon - don't feel bad about your post - it's part of your life right now. "Better out than in", as they say x

  4. Postman - thanks for your wise words. The tyke has been particularly loving despite his words and I am well cared for. I am not as miserable as I was, so onwards and upwards and all that. And hoping that the doc has some good news tomorrow! And I promise I won't overtax my brain...

    Mad - you're a love. I have been cotton-wooled today by two fab friends and feel better for it. x

    Suzanne - thank you. You are right and this post had to be written. Strangely enough it did help. I am usually a 'bottle things up then have big meltdown' kind of gal, so perhaps a blog post helps with that too. x